Episode 5

Dear readers!
First, I wanted to mention that I joined PeopleNow for their recap of this episode.
I haven’t, however, gotten a link for it yet. :( When I do, I’ll update here!
*** UPDATE 06.17.19: You can watch the video HERE.

I’m pretty sure you guys knew this one was going to be a beast to recap. I’ve mentioned before that when watching, I make notes of where my .GIFs will be. I usually have 15-20 in my notes and end up whittling it down to around a dozen or so. (15+ for a finale.) To give you perspective on how much I wanted to unpack, I had 41 .GIFs in my notes for this episode (my record, without contest) and ended up with 16.

I loved this episode. I’m gathering the general consensus is people either loved it or felt ‘meh’ about it. But I have a good feeling you guys were in my boat; it really shone a light on a lot of things I analyze here. I’m REALLY looking forward to your thoughts this week!

“I’m not going to say everybody loved me, but I’ve never, like, had people speak poorly of me. So openly.”

—Hannah, succinctly describing one of the most characteristic elements of the contestant experience.
This sentence is deceptively simple. This sentence is why I write these recaps!



Episode 5 begins with Episode 4’s cliffhanger, where Hannah sits both Lukes down and instructs them to talk things out with each other. Things get nowhere fast, causing Hannah to leave the room, and Luke P to promptly say…


Luke P has an interesting social crutch where he, in order to appeal to the person with whom he’s speaking at that moment, methodically curries favor with them by agreeing with them. Whether or not he agrees with them. (I mean, I don’t THINK he agrees with them—it’s hard to know what he’s thinking because his thoughts and feelings are constantly morphing.) He does this EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. (He did it when he told Garrett and the other guys that he would go tell Hannah the truth.) I find this fascinating to watch because it’s all about making himself as likable as possible, when it’s honesty and authenticity that would make him likable. In other words, he’s not disliked for not trying to be liked. He’s disliked for trying to be liked all wrong.

As the guys all talk about not being able to stand Luke P, I laughed out loud when Mike said, with a stern face…


I’m not saying cursing people out never works, but I don’t think it’s unique to Luke P that being on the receiving end of a curse-out isn’t conducive to being “gotten through to.”

Just as the Rose Ceremony is about to start, Luke S whisks Hannah away, leaving the men (who have already been waiting for HOURS) to wait further. Though this is just speculation on my part, I STRONGLY suspect it’s a producer who asks, “What do you guys think they’re talking about?” …


First, we have a clear shot of all the guys, so it’d be easy to show it coming out of someone’s mouth—yet it’s not shown. Also, the question itself is incredibly producer-y. (I can still hear producers’ questions to us as a group, à la: “Who do you think’s getting the Group Date rose? Who do you think’s going home tonight? Aren’t you guys worried about going home tonight?” I remember at one Rose Ceremony, a producer became ANGRY with us for not seeming worried enough about going home.)

The alternative to my above suspicion is that a producer told the guys to start talking about what was being talked about, forcing one of the men to say, “What do you guys think they’re talking about?” But either way, there’s a 0% chance the guys just began talking about this for the hell of it. They all know what Luke S is up to. They don’t need or care to talk about it—it’s production that wants it narrated.


As Hannah meets her men in Scotland, she once again, in her wonderful Hannah way, subtly breaks that 4th wall…


This is not dissimilar to her breaking character during B-rolls or asking Luke P (on Night One), “Do you know where we’re going?” There’s this impression of the lead knowing all, of being the one in the driver’s seat. But here, she shows she didn’t know that the guys didn’t know she was coming. She’s subtly revealing how in the dark she, too, is. She may have graduated but she’s still a pawn.


As Hannah whisks Mike away for his date, we see the guys discussing something that I remember well and that drove me CRAZY…


I may have mentioned this before, but when Amy Kaufman interviewed me for her book, I read her some excerpts from my journal entries on the show. There were PAGES dedicated to my irritation with actor-y types who transformed based on whether or not our Bachelor was in the room. It may sound only mildly annoying in real life, but trust me, in that bubble and when it’s someone you’re living with and with whom you may already be an incompatible housemate, trust me… it’s bad.

In the evening, Mike asks Hannah about her past with relationships and what brought her there. First, YAY MIKE for asking a legitimate question. Yes, it may be broad, but it’s way better than a lot of them. (Most of the time, the mission on a 1-on-1 is to reveal something, less so to inquire about something.) I had to capture Hannah’s response as it struck me as SO honest, almost brutally so…


It’s one thing to say that relationships haven’t worked out in the past, or even to admit you have a history of going for the wrong type. But it is another thing entirely to admit the above, that you have a pattern of changing who you are for men. And for what it’s worth, I think a lot of young women do this, so I loved hearing Hannah admit to this on national television. The younger audiences watching might hear it and even take the opportunity to reflect.

I don’t use the term “role model” lightly; in fact, I’ve traditionally hated it used to refer to contestants on this show. When I myself got a lot of feedback that I was seen as a “role model”, it made me a bit uncomfortable. I had so little say in my actions that made air, in my edit, in even the order of my words that left my mouth. How was what was seen of me meant to really reflect me, let alone reflect me as a potential role model?

But with Hannah, she’s admitting to flaws and unflattering truths, in the context of having overcome them. It’s one thing to be told or demonstrated how to behave, but it’s another to hear someone recount their own flawed journey from a dark place to one of self-acceptance and self-love. All I’m saying is, there are far worse “role models” out there, especially in reality TV.


The guys participate in what the Scottish battle reenactor and host calls “The First Bachelorette Highland Games”. (How quickly we forget.) I got a good laugh out of Hannah being the only one to successfully land her axe. Also note Peter’s fantastic, truly shocked reaction…


Back at their castle, Mike and Luke P are having a “conversation”. And in case any proof was needed that this is a forced, required, and undesired Man Chat, just watch how quickly the men spring up and cease “chatting” the second they’re obviously been told they can…

Also note Mike’s hilarious little “I’m done with you” sniff.

Also note Mike’s hilarious little “I’m done with you” sniff.

In the evening, Hannah has a particularly hot makeout sesh with Jed, but what I found funny was the build up to it. As Hannah attempts to straddle him, he ever-so-politely asks…

I also got a giggle out of his hands as he half attempts to support her, half feels her up.

I also got a giggle out of his hands as he half attempts to support her, half feels her up.

It was GREAT to catch some genuine camaraderie among the men, when Kevin revealed he had spied on Jed’s aforementioned makeout sesh…


What’s interesting to note here is how easy it would have been to have shown this in a completely different light. Just imagine Kevin watching Jed and Hannah from the staircase, but with creepy or villainous music in the background. And imagine that without our being shown the above clip. (Let’s be honest, airing the above was a conscious choice on production’s part; it doesn’t advance any storyline.) It would completely change the tone of Kevin’s storyline—currently that of a easygoing non-frontrunner (who evidently gets along with the men)—to that of a jealous non-frontrunner.


Wow, what a date this was. I was so overwhelmed with choosing what to discuss, I kept sweeping this section under the rug while assembling the rest of this recap.

There was nothing “fluff” about this date, and it was at times challenging to discuss this on PeopleNow and to read the general Twitter responses to this episode because there are so many things I saw differently than the majority. A good example is people scoffing at Hannah exclaiming, “I just want to know if you like mac & cheese or spaghetti better!” In the bubble, with the constant “all roads point to marriage” reminders of simply hanging out with a person you hardly know—plus the constant prompting and pressuring to reveal things you would normally only reveal months, if not years, into a relationship—it’s easy to bypass the seemingly silly, inconsequential shit. I think I’ve touched on this somewhere before, but one of the reasons I loved my own first 1-on-1 so much was that we DID THINGS. This sounds stupid, I know. But there’s a big difference between walking through a bustling market in a foreign country together, versus laying on a catamaran together. A huge way of getting to know someone is just doing stuff together, because through the doing of stuff, you learn about each other: Do you like spicy food or not? What’s your favorite color? Yes, do you like mac and cheese or spaghetti better? We’ve seen contestants in the past go into their 1-on-1 times with notebooks of questions (Kendall and Lauren B from Arie’s season come to mind here). It just irks me to see people who haven’t been there scoff at something like this as dumb; trust me, if you were there, you’d want to know, too.

Another example is how many people really think Hannah still sees Luke as a potential future husband. In general, it was frustrating to hear and read how many people still automatically eat what they’re fed when it comes to this show. Just because a lead says in an ITM that she can sometimes see a guy as her husband does NOT mean she can actually see him as her husband. Given the premise of this show, and that aforementioned “all roads point to marriage” blanket draped over everything, OF COURSE Hannah will articulate her issues with Luke in the context of his potential as her future husband, just as leads make out with a dozen contestants despite knowing early on who their final two or three finalists will be.

Perhaps it wasn’t this way in the beginning, but at this point Hannah has chemistry that easily rivals (or surpasses) that with Luke, with at least two, if not three other men there. She gets along with those men swimmingly and never has to baby them, make excuses for them, berate them. In real life, and without a dozen other men on her roster, sure—maybe Hannah would have a hard time letting go the potential she sees in Luke. But their relationship is based on their physical connection and chemistry (it’s not like their moments together have featured scintillating conversation), yet we haven’t seen them kiss since EPISODE 2. Layer on the fact that she has other obviously far better, more compatible, more suitable, and more popular options... HELL NO, she does not see a future with Luke anymore. (I personally think that that began to wane the second she began having to mother him.) There are many examples of this, but here’s one that stuck out to me…

Now, do I think Hannah wants to have SEX with Luke? Abso-fucking-lutely. But that’s a different conversation. I dated a guy once who drove me as nuts as Luke drives Hannah. So much of what he said and his opinions on things made me crazy (just as I’m sure I did him), yet our chemistry was through the roof. It was a short relationship but still lasted far longer than it should have because of it. But never at any point, and from early on, did I think, “Hmm, but maybe I could maybe marry this man.” HELL NO. We could hardly get through a day without a fight!

I actually think it’s a bit insulting to Hannah to think she still sees husband potential with Luke. She has proven time and again that she is smarter than that. It’s such a basic, black and white, believing-what-you’re-told explanation for what’s happening here.

There were so many things I wanted to capture with this date. The following exchange was too long for a .GIF but I had to include it as it so clearly highlights the disconnect between Luke and Hannah. It’s fascinating how much of what Luke says is contributing to some greater goal (the goal always being him coming off well) rather than a simple answer to a simple question. Case in point, as Hannah realizes that what she’s missing from Luke is a basic expression of his emotions and feelings—good or bad—rather than making it about who’s to blame, she asks him for just that. But Luke cannot compute the simplicity of this, repeatedly making it about what happened rather than how what happened makes him feel. His lack of ability (or refusal) to differentiate the two is downright fascinating. Note how in the end, it twists into a stock Right Reasons response…

Hannah: I don’t want to know what happened, I want to know, like, how it affects you. Like, your heart, and me. Does that make sense?
Luke (as though he’s being patronized): Yes.
Hannah: Like, how does it make you feel? How is all this, with our relationship, with you as a person…
Luke: I’ve just been continuing to be myself and be very respectful of everybody else. Even throughout being disrespected throughout conversations. So… how does it make me feel…
Hannah (nodding encouragingly): Feelings.
Luke: Yeah, I think—I now don’t think, I know… that it’s not right. A lot of how they’re treating me is totally not right. But it’s not “affecting” me. Because… I know I’m here for you and I’m not ever going to lose sight of that.

Hannah abruptly leaves to consult with her producers. The show seems so willing to show producers now…

Screen Shot 2019-06-14 at 1.27.17 PM.png

… that I feel my Producer Watch™ tradition may end up going way of the dodo. (I am alright with this! Bring on the producers!) It’s during this chat that we get a taste for how useless (and arguably terrible) the advice they provide can be…


Like, really? Is time the issue here??

In the same conversation, we also get a taste of how utterly alone being a lead must feel at times. As a contestant, you at least have one another. (Knowing who to trust is a different story, but you technically have “peers” in the same boat as you.) Her producers don’t really give her anything here, no advice, no suggestions. In the following clip, to me, we see the huge difference between a producer and a friend. A friend would call it like it is and say, “This is going nowhere.” A producer says (of course, knowing Luke is walking drama in the house), “Talk to him more. It just takes time.” There’s no way this type of feedback doesn’t have an impact on how she perceives and commits to each relationship, especially since she has no one else to talk to. There’s a moment here where you can see Hannah realize how alone she is. Watch her after the producers basically tell her she’s on her own…


In the evening, and having had the “getting ready” interim to reflect, Hannah perfectly describes Luke’s issue:

“There’s a great man inside but there’s these walls that have been put up that, like, I can’t break through because you’re trying to protect what you want people to see. Instead of just saying “It wasn’t my intention, I’m a great guy, like, people love me.” That is a facade* that you put up and I don’t want that. I want a real man and an incredible man but that person has flaws and can own up to them.”


There’s an entertaining correlation between what Luke’s saying and his eyebrows’ activity. The more whatever he’s saying is bullshit, the more his eyebrows reflect that. Like, here, things start out promisingly, like he’s almost able to reflect on what Hannah’s saying and possibly even agree with her. Yet the second he starts playing victim, the eyebrows come ALIVE…


I may be in the minority here but I felt myself starting to feel a bit bad for Luke during the evening conversation. I say that because I really got the sense that he was trying to communicate with Hannah; he’s just on a different planet (whatever planet narcissists inhabit), speaking a different language. I did feel some genuine, earthly effort, though, when he actually asked Hannah a question about her contestant experience. Note how he holds his gaze after the question’s left his mouth; this split second is the real Luke…


I mean, sure, it was a question that did in a roundabout way pertain to him and his experience, but this moment and the effort he made still felt like an improvement for him.

Finally, as Hannah jokingly goes to strangle him, something about the way his smile fades is heartwrenching…


What was so great about Hannah holding out for Luke throughout this episode was that, in a crazy way, it actually made me want to see him figure it out. Of course, I’m not holding my breath, but it still makes me want to root for him. Instead of simply aching for her to send him home (as I was a week ago), I almost want her to keep him so he can find himself there. It’s not even about their relationship anymore. And to cause that change of heart in me is pretty damn impressive on Hannah’s part.

As always, my The Morning After video and initial takeaways based on this episode can be found over at Flare!



Due to the size of this recap, I’ve scrapped the requests that I wasn’t going to already ID below. (Most of your requests are below, though!)
Sorry, have to pick my battles and requests don’t always make the cut!

Hannah’s Looks


I never have a problem with looks that are more about function than form. There’s nothing particularly special about this ensemble but it felt APPROPRIATE for the climate and activities, and without being too schlubby. She looked cute and comfortable. Hannah’s Moose Knuckles Debaies jacket sells (on sale) HERE. Her hat is by the same brand as last week’s, LoveKnitz, and sells HERE. (It appears they’re giving 20% off with code “BACHELORETTE”) Since it’s still on the pricey side, I found a decent look-for-less HERE. Her Rag & Bone Cheryl scarf sells (on sale!) HERE, and in my search I found its matching mittens, HERE.

I couldn’t find Hannah’s exact sweater but there are very similar ones selling HERE and HERE.


Gosh, I just love how Hannah’s not afraid to wear her hair in many different ways. I wonder if this is a function of being a pageant girl and getting to have her hair done for her by pros all the time, thus having been exposed to hair-dos the average woman wouldn’t normally be. At any rate, I’m all for a power blazer as long as I get a power ponytail, and she gave us just that! Notice how her hair being up let not only the blazer shine, but the jewelry, too. It was the perfect balance to a bold collection of fashion choices. Hannah’s L’Agence Chamberlain blazer sells (on sale!) HERE and HERE. There’s a great look-for-less selling HERE, as well as an oversized option selling HERE. Hannah’s jewelry is all by Bachelorette favorite The Woods. Her two tone rectangle earrings sell HERE, and her brass and silver rectangle pendant sells HERE. The closest look-for-less for the earrings I could find sells HERE.


Again, there was functionality here, but with some fun details thrown in. The plaid skirt was a nice touch, and the bomber silhouette toughened everything up. I was a fan of this look; she looked cute, activity-appropriate, and WARM. Hannah’s bomber is again by Moose Knuckles. It’s the Debbie bomber and sells in Hannah’s Black/White HERE, as well as in Granite/White, HERE. Her rainbow pom hat is ALSO by LoveKnitz and sells HERE.


I wanted to like this dress… but from what I could see, it wasn’t a win. I generally think a metallic or lamé dress should have a more liquid-y, slinky vibe, but this felt more stiff, sort of wrinkly, almost tissue paper-like. Though I like the idea of the sheer detailing at the front, the execution here made the dress look kind of homemade and cheap. Overall, I don’t feel like I saw enough of this dress to totally hate it, so I’m reserving further judgment. But yeah… didn’t love what I saw. I couldn’t find this dress online and no one requested it, so needless to say, I didn’t look very hard. 🤷🏻‍♀️


I didn’t love this look. I like the individual pieces but not together like this. First, I LOVE the jacket, so I wish it wasn’t playing second fiddle to not one, but TWO pops of color. The colors of the sweater and scarf together were too much for me. I actually love colorblocking as long as it uses the right colors, OR if there’s contrast in texture. But with these two knits, it just looks accidental… and not in a cute way, more like a colorblind way. I give points for functionality and comfort, but yeah, not a fan. Many of you (rightfully) asked about Hannah’s jacket. It’s the Joules Fieldcoat tweed jacket (in Navy Tweed) sells (on sale!) HERE and HERE. Her Rag & Bone Donna scarf sells HERE and HERE. In my search I found a gorgeous baby blue cashmere option that I had to include, HERE. I couldn’t find Hannah’s exact sweater but there are similar options selling HERE and HERE.


I never mind a hot LRD and red is absolutely Hannah’s color. This dress wasn’t subtle, but it was different, which I appreciate. I’m not going to run out and buy this, but it looked great on her and it wasn’t a waste of a date look. I do sort of wish Hannah’s hair had been at least partially back given the neckline, but it didn’t bother me too much. Hannah’s Esteban Cortazar asymmetric cut-out knit dress sells (on sale!) HERE. It also comes in yellow as a maxi dress (which I personally prefer), HERE. A few of you requested her earrings; they’re by The Woods but I’m afraid I couldn’t find them anywhere. The closest alternative I could find is a pair that I happen to already own, HERE. If you’re hell bent on the white heart, there’s a stud option HERE. In my search I found cool heart and rhinestone hoops that felt worth linking out, HERE.

Best Dressed

I must be feeling camel lately because both of my Best Dressed gentlemen were wearing it…


The magic of this coat was the length. It was a bit longer than most men’s wool coats and it really worked. In a sea of men in their outerwear, Garrett managed to really stand out. He looked so sophisticated and put-together to the point where I’m considering this or one like this for Andy. A few of you requested this coat; I’m pretty sure it’s one of the following: HERE and HERE.


Mike knows what he’s doing. This is a turtleneck done RIGHT. (Scroll to the bottom of this recap to see WRONG.) Note the thinner knit and how it’s fitted but still relaxed. The pants and shoes, too, really work. He looks manly and stylish but, most importantly, like he’s not trying too hard. Total top to bottom win for me.

Worst Dressed

It’s funny, just when I think Best/Worst Dressed is a throwaway and that no one really cares about this section, you guys have OPINIONS and sure make them known in the comments. I remember peripherally noticing Peter’s terrible pink shirt last week but was more focused on all the Luke drama and the observation didn’t resurface when I was assembling my recap. However, you guys HATED that pink shirt with a flaming passion, and I have to admit, it’s bad. Therefore, since last week’s Rose Ceremony was technically still in Episode 5, Peter is not escaping unscathed…


This truly is pink done wrong. The many salmon pink blazers we’re seeing this season is pink done right. Basically, if it looks like it could be in the Pepto-Bismol family, you can assume it’s being done wrong. Peter, you can thank my readers for this!

Until next week, fellow pandas!