Episode 5


“The thing I appreciate most about her is the fact that she stated she’s never met anyone like me."

Jordan, who, if modeling doesn't work out for him, should seriously consider pursuing a career in comedy





We kick off in Las Vegas, where Colton gets his 1-on-1 date in a location which, based on the previews showing Colton revealing he's a virgin, I'm pretty darn sure secured him this date...

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In fact, I'd be surprised if this location wasn't chosen for this very purpose.

For the most part this date felt pretty skimmed over, presumably to make time for all the Chris and 2-on-1 drama later in the episode. It is, however, sufficiently drilled into our brains that Colton is inexperienced in relationships, has only ever been in love once, and takes statements professing sentiments of love VERY SERIOUSLY...


So, based on the above, the ITM shown mere minutes later feels a bit, um, soon...


Now, the suspicious side of me that can't possibly think Colton is falling in love with Becca after one real date, especially given he just said he doesn't say those words lightly, first thought the above was a Pick-up, perhaps from weeks later. But, there are several ITMs of the guys in that same room...

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... and one of those guys is John, who goes home this week. So we know that, if Colton's falling-in-love profession was a Pick-up, the latest it was done was within days (not weeks), while still in Vegas. So yes, Colton really did claim to falling in love with Becca this week, and quite soon after emphasizing how seriously he takes the L-word. Sigh. I keep trying to see a way in which Colton is sincere but he keeps coming off to me as strategic. I still feel like he's ultra aware of what to say, and when and how to say it.



As nine of the men embark on the Wayne Newton Group Date, a textbook Man Chat takes place back at the hotel. Note the unnatural open seating arrangement, David's unnatural, narration-style opener (he was clearly just prompted by a producer to describe what's going on), and the fact that Jordan is sat facing away, arms crossed, wanting no part of this...


... and as much as Colton sometimes sets off my #rightreasons spidey sense, he had moments of being downright HILARIOUS this week, particularly when trying not to crack up while stuck in between Jordan and David...


On the Group Date, The Blk Tux returns for some product placement in which their product DOESN'T get destroyed in an obstacle course...

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Leo continues to be a much-needed and appreciated source of humor... though, I'll be damned if that white horse head actually belongs to that brown horse body...


In the evening, Connor gets major points for laughing at himself over the photo-throwing debacle. Also note that he and Lincoln are most certainly friends now, since we see Lincoln cracking up at this...


The above really highlights something that I try to stress season after season. Viewers assume friendships (and non-friendships) on this show are this set-in-stone, permanent thing. Like, to this day people will ask me, "You didn't get along with so-and-so, right?" Or, "You were super close with so-and-so!" But those relationships really are constantly morphing and evolving during filming. The picture frame thing is a great example since it showed an early hiccup in what might've ended up being a great friendship. But of course we're going to be shown the hiccup and not much of the rest. :)

Finally, observe actual ITMs of Becca's from this evening...

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... versus the following Pick-up, in which her makeup looks different (eyebrows, lips) and she no longer has the earrings...

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If you want my thoughts on Chris, head over to my Flare recap! 🤷🏻‍♀️



Time for the 2-on-1 date NOBODY SAW COMING IN A MILLION YEARS. I covered this a bit on The Morning After, but I feel like David should be above expending so much energy needling Jordan. He clearly enjoys riling him up and getting a reaction, and Jordan obviously can't help but react, as if on cue (there's something almost pure and childlike about it, actually). So to me, though in many ways David seems a lot older and more mature than his 25 years, it's his petty enjoyment in preying on a personality like Jordan's that belies his age. 

Also, for the record, a truly honest person should never have to say...


As David is left alone in the desert for the requisite aerial shots of him looking (supposedly) heartbroken, we get an awesome Direct-Look-Into-Camera™ where we see him notice the camera (I assume it's pretty far away and really zoomed in) with deep annoyance...


And finally, as per my husband's request, I made a .GIF of the following...


You guys may remember that at the beginning of the season Andy and I had a debate over whether or not Jordan was "in" on his character or if he really was as insanely un-self aware as he comes across. Not to give him an I-told-you-so, but Andy has finally come around and agreed with me (and most of you, since most of you agreed with me!) that Jordan is not some pro-level comedian playing a caricature on TV.

Jordan, you will be missed! Easily this season's most quotable. :)



The Rose Ceremony is pretty much the Chris-spiraling-out-of-control show. Interesting that word got to Becca that he had threatened to leave but we never saw footage of that. At any rate, note how we're shown TWO different ITMs to show Becca's point of view on the matter (pay attention to the backgrounds)...


Later, when Chris interrupts Wills for "2 minutes" and is told his time's up, I seriously could not stop laughing and rewound this several times,  just watching Becca's face. Remember, Becca is fully IN POWER here and she can make whatever happen, however she wants. If she wanted to keep talking to Chris, she could EASILY ask Wills to come back later. The way Becca's just looking out as though she's not even listening, and especially the moment where Chris looks at Becca as if to say, "Can't you do anything about this??" and she just blinks blankly back at him seriously had me in stitches...


The above says it all: Becca is (understandably) NOT into Chris anymore and it's over. She would way rather hang out with Wills. Chris may have scraped through to Episode 6 but that was mainly (if not solely) because he's really good at rubbing others the wrong way.

Finally, the following screenshot (no .GIF necessary!) says it all. What says "dependable life partner" more than a guy who mutters the following the second he doesn't get his way?

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Finally, Chris Harrison arrives to ding his glass and inform the men that it's Rose Ceremony time. Note where John is sitting when he approaches (as well as his somewhat-smiling face), yet how when Chris Harrison says "it's that time", we suddenly see John looking morose (read: bored and tired) and with a man suddenly on his left...


We had to be spoon-fed that John had something to worry about, because #foreshadowing. Despite not seeing nearly enough of you, we'll miss you, Venmo John!


As always, my immediate takeaways can be found on The Morning After, and my top 4 frontrunners are over at Flare!




Kate asked about Becca's pearl drop earrings...


Becca's Mastoloni exact earrings (HERE) seem to be only available at certain retailers, but there's a great 2-strand option (and definite look-for-less!) selling HERE.

Several of you asked about Wills' romper (or two-piece set that resembles a romper?)...


I'm afraid I couldn't locate Wills' exact piece but there's a SUPER similar one selling by Romper Jack (an entire line of men's rompers—who knew?), HERE.


Best Dressed

I'm sorry to say I have no Best Dressed this week. :(


Worst Dressed

For continuity's sake, since I punished Colton for his sleeveless hoodie two weeks ago (a move which amazingly many of you were offended by!), I had to give Wills the same punishment...

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... despite the fact that he can somehow pull off just about anything, including the above hoodie quasi-T-shirt thing.

My Worst Dressed, unfortunately, is none other than our leading lady herself, with that Group Date dress...


Honestly, some of the fashion this season has been frustrating. Becca is an elegant woman with a runway model's body; dressing her should be the easiest thing in the world. Yet, on many occasions (particularly in the evening wear department), it feels like she's been put in every possible sequin, embellishment, and shimmery fabric humanly possible. I'm all about BRINGING IT fashion-wise, but to me bringing drama in fashion is not just about sparkle. Not a whole of of the season's wardrobe so far has really done Becca justice or even seems to suit her that well. 

Despite the fact that this dress is backless and I usually like backless things, I'm sorry to say I was NOT a fan of this. I get that the date was Vegas-themed but I still think it's possible to dress the part in a splashy way without wearing something that looks so gosh darn cheap. Perhaps in person this dress is surprisingly sumptuous and rich-feeling, but on TV, this dress legitimately looks like the quality of a packaged Halloween costume. The cut, too, is just confusing. The front is all draped and ruched (and I'll admit to bias here since I'm generally not a ruching fan), to the point where it looks perma-rumpled, yet the back is super smooth. The combination of the shimmery finish and that color is just too much and looks more like something I'd put on my lips or cheeks, not wear as a dress. (It seriously looks like a dress made of Nars Orgasm.)

If you disagree with me, this Haney "Holly" high-low dress sells HERE, but just know that if you buy it (especially at that price point, even on sale), I AM JUDGING YOU HEAVILY.


Becca's Looks

For the arrival-in-Vegas B-rolls...


This outfit is an example of several great individual pieces, all worn together to result in too much. Coco Chanel's "take one thing off" mantra would have applied nicely here. I don't dislike a single piece here (I LIKE the sequin bomber, I LOVE the tank top, and I LIKE the jewelry), but I dislike them all together. Becca's Rag & Bone "Priya" silver lurex tank sells (on sale) HERE. Her Iro "Barbara" sequin bomber sells (also on sale) HERE, but since it's still pricey, there are great looks-for-less HERE and HERE. Her necklace and earrings are both by Rachel Reinhardt and sell HERE and HERE, respectively. 

For Colton's 1-on-1 date...


It's with the casual wear that this season's fashion has been shining. This is my second favorite look of the week. She looks adorable, comfortable, and chic without trying too hard. I am SERIOUSLY coveting those overalls (I love the length of the shorts; far too many are far too short) and am legitimately going to try them on next time I pass a Madewell. Becca's Madewell "Adirondack" short overalls sell HERE. They also come in White (HERE) and Black (HERE). Her Target bandana sells (in a 2 pack) HERE.

Underneath (and on her ears with) the above look...


This was a nice swimsuit. Feminine with a bit of interest. I liked it (though not enough to run out and buy it). Becca's Body Glove "Alani" floral bikini sells (on sale!) HERE and HERE (top) and HERE and HERE (bottom). Her Gabriel & Co diamond hoops sell HERE but I'm afraid I couldn't find a decent look-for-less for these! 

In the evening of Colton's 1-on-1...


For all my bitching and moaning about sequins, this dress actually didn't offend me. I liked the unique color-blocking, the vintage vibes, and how the fit was a bit loose and relaxed-feeling, to offset the glam. Becca's dress is sadly an ACTUAL vintage piece making it really tricky to find. (The only place I could find it was on an ended eBay listing, HERE.) The most similar look-for-less I could find sells (super on sale) HERE. Her Stuart Weitzman "Nudistsong" sandals (in Pewter) sell HERE. There are similar looks-for-less HERE. Her Mastoloni pearl earrings sadly aren't on their website (HERE) and I'm afraid I couldn't find any decent alternative for these. :(  

For the 2-on-1 date...


This was my favorite look of the week. I love me a little camouflage action and thought this relaxed-fit shirt, tied in a knot, over distressed cutoffs was not only date-activity appropriate, but also cool-girl stylish. The Timberland boots made the outfit, giving it a rugged, outdoorsy feel while highlighting her for-days legs. The ONLY thing missing from this look? A ponytail or messy braid. Becca's Rails "Marcel" camo star patch shirt sells (on sale) HERE. Her Rag & Bone/JEAN cutoff denim shorts sell HERE but there's a super similar pair by the same brand selling for a lot less, on sale, HERE. Her Timberland "Linden Woods" boots (which you may remember from Episode 2) sell (on sale!) HERE.

For the Rose Ceremony...


Sigh. This is what I mean. Though we haven't seen THIS dress before, I feel like we've seen this dress before. I will say, it fit Becca impeccably and she looked great in it, but as I've said other weeks, I credit Becca's own elegance and proportions for that, not the let-me-guess-it's-Randi-Rahm dress. In case you loved this look: Becca's dress is indeed by Randi Rahm, from their 2017 Resort Collection, and I couldn't find anything quite like it online. You may remember her Dilamani diamond teardrop earrings from two weeks ago (HERE), and there's a great look-for-less HERE. Her diamond crawler earrings are HERE but there are great looks-for-less options HERE, HERE, and HERE. (In my search I randomly found this little lizard pair that I think is SO cute and which I'm eyeing myself, HERE.)


Until next week, fellow pandas!