Our two-part finale picks up with Colton finally being found tearing down the streets of Portugal. Chris Harrison is promptly sic’ed onto him, and in this moment we get a tap at that 4th wall where Colton openly admits he doesn’t have his own phone…

I’ve long considered Tell All episodes to be my week off here at ATPP, but there’s often too much good fashion to ignore. This post is to keep up with my tradition to do a fashion-only roundup of Women Tell All, complete with your requests and my choices for Best Dressed…

We pick up at the tail of last week’s Rose Ceremony, where Colton has just returned after sending Caelynn home, toasted the ladies to hitting up Portugal next, and then suddenly disappeared for a Chris Harrison pow-wow. I made a .GIF of the conversation had by the women here for two reasons. First, their reactions to the Fantasy Suites feel appropriately disturbed given it is goddamn WEIRD to imagine ALL THREE of them having Fantasy Suites with the same guy and to be standing in a circle discussing it…

Hometown week first brings us to Fredericksburg, VA, where Caelynn greets us with that classic Bachelor “cadence” you’ve heard me mention before…

Episode 7 brings us to Colton’s hometown of Denver, where he gets advice from fellow Denverite Bachelor (and fellow 26-year old Bachelor!), Ben Higgins. This conversation isn’t particularly illuminating but within seconds it does unfortunately remind of how natural and eloquent a Bachelor can be. Ben looks and sounds like he actually WANTS to be there, something that we rarely get from with Colton (especially not in those dreadful woe-is-me selfie videos production inexplicably thinks we want to see).

Episode 6 picks up with everyone heading into Episode 5’s Rose Ceremony, where it’s obvious to all that Onyeka and Nicole have dug their own graves and will likely be the two sent home. First, Nicole’s tears here support my thoughts from last week that she is crumbling in this environment….

Week 5 brings us to Thailand, where Heather—whose profession, according to producers, is having Never Been Kissed—finally gets her very own 1-on-1 date. A predictable will-they-or-won’t-they-kiss edit, complete with zoom-ins of Colton’s mouth while he chews, ensues. The daytime of this date felt pretty dry and awkward, like there was nothing to talk about…

The episode kicks off with Chris Harrison arriving at the mansion, and right away there’s a lot to unpack. First, Chris manages to mess up one of his very few job requirements…

The selected ladies are taken to a Medieval Times-esque pirate-themed show where they compete for the title of best “pirate”. There was a ton of unsubtle, choppy editing on this date. Pretty much everything we were shown was meant to reinforce the fact that DEMI AND TRACY HATE EACH OTHER, OKAY??

Man. With all the live viewing parties, there was a ton of build up to this season. As for the ladies’ intro videos, they were on the standard side. However, there was one .GIF-worthy moment: I had a giggle at how the editing department deemed the ideal spot to place a voiceover of Katie discussing her parents’ relationship was during a close-up of her bootie shake…

We kick off Part I of the Finale with Lauren and Becca taking turns meeting Arie's family. I felt a cultural difference with them that I, as a person with a parent from a very different culture, loved. His parents were very sophisticated and polite, yet SO blunt, particularly evidenced by Arie's father when he told Becca TO HER FACE that he'd be happy "either way"....

Fantasy Suite week kicks off with Kendall's date, on which she and Arie go sand buggying and sand surfing. Side note: I once went buggying in the desert in Marrakech and it was seriously one of the coolest things I've done, so I had major nostalgia and envy watching this. We also got some very funny moments...

Hometown week kicks off in LA with Kendall. Surprising nobody, this date revolves around taxidermy, but what I found really interesting here is how the TONE is so different from seasons past. To me, Kendall represents that contestant who could be seen as a caricature, who is painted as weirder than most and who could easily be made out to be someone you'd laugh at or deem "crazy". But because she also has a lot of depth and intelligence (and is SHOWN possessing these traits), it prevents that negative edit.

Becca K gets the first 1-on-1 date and appears to be finally back in the game. We've known she's a season-long frontrunner but I've felt for awhile that we haven't been seeing enough consistent conversation. And even one we did see, back in Episode 5, was about 80% make-out and only 20% conversation.

I've been keen to see Lauren's 1-on-1 for quite some time. I mentioned this last week, but one of my favorite things about Lauren (in addition to how not performer-y she is) is this feeling that she's not necessarily as into Arie as he is into her. I'm not saying that cruelly, because obviously I'd like him to end up with someone where the interest is entirely mutual, but rather that that subtle inequality creates opportunity for confessions like this...

As you might know, I was in Toronto this past week. Over coffee with my editor at Flare, Maureen, we established that Arie isn't really what we were expecting based on his bad-boy, player reputation. In fact, he's proving to be somewhat dorky in a very endearing way.

The big finale kicks off with Chris Harrison touting a big "first" in Bachelor History, because the powers that be seem aware that a substantial percentage of the people watching this show are in a perpetual state of stopping any day now, and publicity stunts like having Rachel meet four of her guys in front of a live audience have somehow proven to be a fairly reliable way to keep people tuned in. 

I know there were mixed feelings about Andi showing up, but in all honesty I saw this segment as this week's saving grace. Like, sure, it seemed totally staged, Nick didn't appear remotely surprised to see her, and the "advice" undertones were forced at best. However, I'm always for any situation where the lead isn't in complete control, and this fit that bill. What I like is that Andi has nothing to gain by "sucking up" (to use Corinne's term) to Nick, and that in and of itself normalizes things somewhat...

Episode 8 starts off with the "ominous" music playing as the remaining 4 ladies speculate as to whether or not Nick's axing spree will continue before Hometowns. Nick returns (based on all their outfits and the fact that it's now dusk, this is presumably after he's sent Kristina home and likely after an ITM about it, meaning the ladies probably waited for at least an hour or two) with four roses.

Surprising nobody, Nick returns to tell the women that he isn't, in fact, leaving them in the lurch. I have to wonder what the goal with this "cliffhanger" was. Was anyone really expected to believe that he'd be walking out? Beyond the contractual obligation, the argument (that he was afraid of relationships he was excited about "falling flat" à la Danielle L) was seriously half baked.

We pick up from last week's cliffhanger where Taylor, having had plenty of post-elimination time with producers, chose to return to give Nick a piece of her mind. Thankfully, she seemed to have zero interest in returning to be in the running for Nick's "heart". But, as I mentioned this briefly in my The Morning After video, I do wish Taylor hadn't succumbed to what was likely a producer nudge to come back.

We pick up with last week's Rose Ceremony because, well, that's apparently what happens now. I explained my perspective on this Taylor vs Corinne saga in my Flare recap so I'll save my breath here. We hear the other ladies chime in on the subject, including an interesting two cents from Kristina. Notice how the only words we see out of her mouth are "My view on that is..." I personally speculate that Kristina—who seems to be quite popular and sweet, and who happens to be the one other girl in the house we've seen on the receiving end of Corinne's wrath—did NOT say she'd have both Taylor and Corinne go home...

As is unfortunately becoming tradition, we begin on the tail end of last week's Rose Ceremony with Vanessa interrogating Nick regarding his actions with Corinne, getting no actual answers ("I care about you and want you to share these things with me" does not an answer make), and of course several clips of the women expressing their frustrations regarding Corinne. The most memorable of these was Raven's astute and mic-dropping remark... 

First of all, did anyone else find the segue from last week's cliffhanger really weird? Last week closed with Nick telling the girls on the Group Date that he and Liz had sex, then it was "To Be Continued". Now suddenly we're back at the mansion, Christen having gotten the Group Date rose is completely glossed over (I actually missed this on first watch), and the house is in a general frenzy. Or so we're told.

Episode 2 begins with the copy-and-paste formula of every Episode 2: a montage of ITMs and shots of the women talking about how hot they think the lead is and how he's all they can think about. I've always hated this tradition as it really supports the old school perception that this show features only crazy girls who are insta-obsessed with the lead...

We kick off with a "countdown" outlining the ins and outs of Nick's history with the Bachelor franchise, because God knows those tuning in don't know who he is and needed a refresher. Thankfully, right off the bat he shows that while he continues to subject himself to this unique form of torture, he's still as ultra-realistic as ever...