Episode 4

“Singapore is amazing! It has the lights, the buildings. It’s definitely a really cool place.”

—Colton, who needs to work on either his ability to describe cities, or his expectations in what makes them cool


The episode kicks off with Chris Harrison arriving at the mansion, and right away there’s a lot to unpack. First, Chris manages to mess up one of his very few job requirements…


A friend of mine thought this was an intentional production move but I don’t think so. During filming, I’d say Chris Harrison knew about a third of our names at best. (There was more actual name knowing as the season progressed.) I think he was probably briefed on this feud by a producer and was told to ask one of them how they’re doing. Not everything is contrived. It actually amazes me that this sort of mix up has never happened before.

Next, we get an idea of just how much Hannah B has been made to talk about said feud…


The context suggests that she’d spent a lot of time just dealing with the situation and defending her character, but the way she words this suggests to me she’s been made to talk about it endlessly, likely in ITMs. You can see how even mild friction can be made so much worse by the players involved not being allowed any sort of escape.

Next, Chris Harrison informs the ladies they’ll be heading to Singapore. Before going on this show, as someone who’d been watching for a long time, I’d gotten used to the contestants being told their have only an hour to pack…


… so this was something I paid particular attention to. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this in another recap somewhere (It seems crazy that I wouldn’t have), but while we were TOLD we had an hour, we really had a day and night. We wouldn’t head to LAX (for Seoul) until the following morning. In these ladies’ case, it’s reasonable to assume they wouldn’t head out until way later that day at the EARLIEST. Like, think of all the hours spent getting ITM reactions about Singapore ALONE, let alone actual packing and logistics! I’ve never really understood the need to lie and make it seem like the contestants only have an hour, except I guess it’s all about upping the stakes, all the time? I dunno.

Speaking of those ITM reactions about Singapore, take a wild guess what the theme of these ITMs was….


Because Colton’s a VIRGIN, remember?? IN CASE YOU’D FORGOTTEN. I can practically hear the producers saying, “So Onyeka, since you’ve done a lot of traveling, would you say you’re not an International travel virgin?”, or “Demi, do you think Colton could lose his virginity in Singapore?”


So, fun fact, I’ve been to Singapore before. When I was first dating my ex, he was the editor of Time Out Singapore, so I visited for 3 or so weeks. The funny thing is I’ve actually been to both 1-on-1 date locations shown in this episode, and in the context of dates. So yeah, it was particularly neat to watch these.

I had a good laugh over Tayshia describing Colton’s bungee jump scream like that of a little girl, but note her hair in these clips…


It’s safe to say the first moment (with her hair down) was from earlier, probably when she first saw the distance.

Back at the mansion, while Sydney reads names off the Group Date card, Katie gives a fantastic, very knowing Direct Look Into Camera™…


In general, Tayshia’s date went as well as any. It seems easy between them and there’s great chemistry. But, as I said over on The Morning After, we just haven’t seen enough of the early bits between these two for me to really buy her as a potential last lady standing.


Colton takes 13 ladies for a leisurely day of having leeches placed on their bodies and being shamed if they didn’t feel comfortable eating eyeballs. For the record, in my 3 weeks in Singapore, none of these things were advertised to me as uniquely “Singaporean”. It kind of felt like a gratuitous excuse to have freaked out reactions and for Colton to make some weak connection between eating fish eyes and wanting a wife who’s “adventurous”.

Nonetheless, I have to admit Colton has his funny moments…


There’s something so sweet and innocent about Colton’s humor. Exhibit A is above, Exhibit B is below…


Like, Cassie made a legitimately funny joke. I laughed out loud when she said this. But it’s SO not necessary for Colton to respond, “That’s not a kiss a sister would give.” Like, yes, dude. We know. I’ve used “child-like” to describe folks on this show before (always affectionately, though I do recall someone in the comments inexplicably having a conniption over my use of this term). Colton is definitely one of those people.

Finally, we get the first inklings of Courtney’s eventual meltdown…


I realize that there’s probably just as much frustration here towards producers as Colton himself. I’ve said before that I can’t recall EVER interrupting Juan Pablo’s time with another lady without not only a producer’s permission, but even being escorted to wherever he is. (Given your “boyfriend” is often making out without someone else at any given time, after leaving the mansion, they’re often not within sight. Not only could they be in a different room, they could be on a different floor, or even a different building. More often than not, you don’t even have the slightest clue where he is.) When you watch Courtney through that lens of not being sufficiently “looked after” by a producer, you do have a bit more sympathy for what she’s going through. It’s not just about Colton not taking to her as much as some other ladies, but it’s also feeling like you’re not being given the same chance as them. I’m sure it’s tough to not feel like, “But, if he got to KNOW me…” In that sense, I do feel for her.

But, if you’re a frontrunner, you’re a frontrunner. It has nothing to do with how much producers are on top of you getting your fair share of time. It’s that, if he’s into you, the time will happen. Period. So, I really wish Courtney had just shrugged off his evident lack of interest in her with a simple, “I wasn’t his type and I’m fine with that.” Her letting it GET to her is part of her undoing. Another part is her taking out her aggravation on her roommates, namely Demi. I’m not saying I agree with everything Demi does (I don’t think riding Colton’s back while on a “date” with 12 of your friends is the most considerate move in the world), but I do think Courtney’s frustration with her general shituation is ultimately taken out on someone who’s essentially an innocent bystander. This saga will resume later.


Caelynn gets the annual splurge-y shopping date, which I’m not going to lie, I always love watching. But those dresses ain’t free! In exchange, she MUST return back to the hotel suite with a cartoonish number of shopping bags on her arms (as if she was actually carrying all of them at any point!)…

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… to awkwardly and uncomfortably show off to the other ladies who have been assembled by a producer in the “waiting” formation (ye olde U-shape).

Because the ladies are often closer with each other than with the lead at this point (something it seems like the show realizes they shouldn’t bother hiding anymore), it can be tough to get good jealousy tears. But the shopping date jealousy works like a charm…

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In the evening, Caelynn reveals her disturbing sexual assault experience, the first ever reveal of its kind on this show. I touched on this over at Flare, but I was so impressed not only with her bravery in revealing this, but also with the eloquence and composure with which she did it. A shout out also goes to the show for, in my opinion, handling it with a good deal of care and respect. To be honest, at the risk of sounding too casual on the subject, the fact that we’re 23 seasons in and have had many hundreds of women on this show, and given the fact that rape (or attempted rape) are in no way rare occurrences, it’s in a way surprising that only now are we getting a contestant who’s willing to go there.

Even with all the emphasis on it not being the victim’s fault and encouraging them to speak out and hold their assailants responsible, it says something about how much shame is still associated with experiencing this kind of attack. Even if they do manage to overcome that misplaced shame, it’s really sad how often they aren’t believed or taken seriously. (Christine Blasey Ford, anyone? You better believe #IBelieveHer.) So, if one good thing can come from this show, to even remotely normalize speaking out as being an OK, and maybe even applauded thing to do, would be a pretty huge step. When you think about how many millions of young women watch this show, it’s at times like this that you know there’s more to its power than turning pretty girls into Instagram stars and “Most Dramatic Ever” punchlines.

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It’s unlikely Caelynn’s the first contestant on this show to be a victim of rape. But she is the first to bravely speak out about it. This is not something to minimize or take for granted. I am truly amazed at this young woman’s strength. And at—excuse my French—TWENTY FUCKING THREE YEARS OLD. Brava, girl. 

Finally, since writing my Flare recap, a number of you informed me that Colton dated gymnastics Olympian Aly Raisman, who we all know was one of many victims in the biggest sex abuse story in American sports history. So, to be completely honest, I didn’t know they dated because I apparently live under a rock when it comes to non-aired Bachelor trivia. (What can I say? I have too much Bachelor in my life for several months a year; can’t blame me for not digging up even more in my spare time. For real, you guys are my main source of information now!) The gist of this tip seemed to be that Colton having dated a sexual assault victim wasn’t new news. I get that, but I also think it was pretty huge for him to suggest (and by suggest, I really mean admit) that her trauma from that experience was the reason he’s still a virgin. It was how his experience fit like a sort of other-side puzzle piece with Caelynn’s, and how the mystery of his virginity came to this resolution… it all had me entranced. Like, if I were more of a cynic, I’d think it was too perfect, that Caelynn was planted on the season for this ultimate reveal. (I in no way think that, by the way.) It was just powerful, important, and yes, excellent reality television.


Ok, back to those Instagram stars-to-be. It’s the Rose Ceremony and Courtney’s on the verge of exploding. I had a legit LOL when Courtney came to interrupt Demi’s time with Colton. You see Demi clock who it is and then erupt into laughter. I love this kind of reaction because it really pokes fun at the absurdity of it all. Demi knows—and more importantly, she knows that the producers know—she’s just talked shit about Courtney. So, OF COURSE out of 15 women there, Courtney happens to be the one to interrupt Demi. It’s all so intricately and mechanically contrived for maximum awkwardness. Most of the time contestants just pretend like everything’s normal and they quietly leave. It’s rare you get someone who just literally laughs at the situation while STILL IN IT…


Courtney, despite having had no prior 1-on-1 time in Singapore, decides to spend the precious minutes she does have to talk—in terms of The Bachelor world—the most ultimate shit imaginable…


First, you know what I’m going to say: META META META!!! How often do we get a contestant referring to being on a show, ON THE SHOW? (The answer is not very often.)

Second, I realize contestants accuse other contestants of Wrong Reasons intentions every season. But I don’t think we’ve ever had someone literally say to the lead, “You could be ANYbody.” Like, this is fairly hardcore, especially given she doesn’t know what Colton and Demi share and, especially given the nature of her non-friendship with Demi, she doesn’t seem to really know her either.

Where it gets rich is when, after returning to crucify Demi for calling her the “cancer of the house” to Colton, she plays innocent when it comes to what she’d told Colton about Demi…


This is very uncool in my books. For me, Demi’s charm is her frankness, her brutal honesty. This is a trait I value in my friendships and that I know my friends value in me. In Demi’s case, yeah, she’ll talk shit about you if she doesn’t like you, but she’ll also admit she talked shit about you and that she doesn’t like you. I would far sooner surround myself with people like Demi, where what you see is what you get, rather than people like Courtney (based on this showing, anyway), where she’ll lie by omission in order to maintain her high horse position. 

Finally, it appears this conflict happened sooner in the evening that it appeared, because note Courtney’s position during her fight with Demi, but how she magically teleports to an entirely different spot in the room…


FInally, those of you who have been around since the beginning KNEW I was going to have to capture this…


I’m telling you, there was a time not long ago where moments of friendship between the ladies like these would not have been shown.

Oh also, note where Demi’s blowing her rose-kisses; it’s in a completely different direction than Courtney’s headed. I’m wondering if it’s at a producer or perhaps if Colton left before returning for the final toast.

Finally, we get a return of that ITM room that’s been haunting us since Night One! Note what Cassie’s wearing at the Rose Ceremony…

Hair, makeup, necklace

Hair, makeup, necklace

… and what the Pick-up looks like…

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I said last week that I feel this room is from much later in the season, and that aligns nicely with the fact that I think Cassie is going to last a very long time this season.

As always, my frontrunners and first impressions of this episode can be found over at Flare.




Tayshia’s Abercrombie tank is sold out in purple but still available in other colors, HERE. Her Michael Kors watch sells HERE.


Tayshia’s cowl neck mini dress is from Forever 21 and sells HERE. Since sizes are limited, I also found super similar alternatives, HERE and HERE.


Heather’s For Love & Lemons “Luau” mini dress is sold out in stores (HERE) but there are a few still available HERE.


Hannah B’s look is actually not a jumpsuit, but a top and pants, both by Ramy Brooks. Her “Paige” silk high neck top is no longer available in Hannah B’s fuschia color but there are other colors selling HERE. Her “Iris” pants are also sold out in that color but there are other colors selling HERE.

Best Dressed

There wasn’t a ton of fashion this week, but what we did get was great. Honorable Mention this week goes to Tayshia with her fabulous one-piece swimsuit…


I WANT THIS. Also, I don’t know if I’ve ever had an item as requested as this one. There’s a great balance of sex appeal and modesty here (in terms of a swimsuit, anyway), and the color looked AMAZING on her. Tayshia’s Robin Piccone “Ava” swimsuit sells in multiple colors HERE, and in Tayshia’s exact color (Fiery Red) HERE.

I have two runners-up. First is Heather with her Rose Ceremony dress…


I love the vintage vibes here. There’s a great mix of textures, the color is beautiful, and there’s the good dichotomy of skin (the plunge neckline) and covered-up-ness (those sleeves, the overall maxi length). She looks gorgeous. Heather’s For Love & Lemons “J’Adore” maxi dress is sadly sold out (HERE) but I found one still available HERE, as well as the mini version, HERE.

Next is Caelynn with her 1-on-1 date daytime dress…


This was another hot item in my request bin. I LOVED this and would wear it any day of the week. It’s so effortless looking, and the fact that she’s wearing FLATS with it is a testament to how dressed up or down it can go. She looks ladylike and put together, but not like she’s trying too hard. You may remember this brand as Becca actually wore a dress with a similar-ish cut on last season’s finale. Caelynn’s Misa “Lillian” dress sells HERE. I’m afraid I couldn’t find a decent look-for-less on this. Triste. :(

Finally, my Best Dressed goes to Katie with her Rose Ceremony romper…


Ooooh I love this so much. Like Heather’s dress, it too has vintage vibes. I feel like this could be a fabulous find in some vintage or consignment store. It’s UNIQUE, is all drapey and covered-up and mysterious up top, and then has the shock of those short shorts. There would be bonus points for that open back, except they’re negated by the fact that she tragically wore her hair down. A high and puffy ponytail (or a slicked back one) would have been perfection. Ah well, she still wins this week. :) Katie’s Urban Outfitters “Oh My Love Take My Breath Away” romper is sadly sold out, HERE. The most similar alternative I could find sells HERE.

Worst Dressed

Nothing stood out to me as terrible this week, and you know I hate forcing this section. No Worst Dressed!

Until next week, fellow pandas!