Episode 3

“I feel like this is what it feels to grow old with somebody and it's really making me think seriously about JJ.” -- Andi, about sitting through three hours of makeup to look like 80-year olds and then spending three hours pretending to be elderly with someone she hardly knows.


This episode had me laughing and cringing in intermittent spurts. 

Chris Harrison informs the men that Andi's “obviously” gotten to know them and likes what she sees. Patrick's hilarity continues as he responds with a slow, closed-eye nod.

I didn't catch this mid-blink. This really was his nod.

I didn't catch this mid-blink. This really was his nod.


If you're not a fan of Nick you might as well stop reading now. My appreciation for Nick only grew this week. He manages to be the right mix of realistic and open-minded. Skeptical yet optimistic. Case in point:

“Let's be honest, what are the chances things are gonna work out here? That being said, you never know.”

“I'm not desperate for love... I want to find it.”

“It's my opportunity to spend some quality time with Andi and see if it's worth sticking around.”

These might not seem like big, meaningful proclamations but think about it: How often, if ever, have you heard someone on this show say “see if it's worth sticking around”? 

I predict Nick will go very, very far. First, I think Andi digs him. I still have doubts in them as a real couple but you can tell she finds him endearing and smart and sharp (which he is). Second, I can't imagine why they would air his misgivings and hesitation unless he ends up falling pretty hard for her (which I believe is going to happen).

Back at the house, the producers are (discreetly) egging on the boys to talk shit about Nick but it's still too early for them to be irritated enough with each other to cave. But fret not! Andrew, The Obliging One, comes through:

The producers' love affair with Andrew continues.

The producers' love affair with Andrew continues.

Andrew: “Nick seems to be a skeptic.” 


Nick: “Any practical person would be skeptical about this.”



Because what would a "normal day" of hiking be without them?

Not awkward at all.

Not awkward at all.

I'll quote Nick one last time and then I swear I'll stop:

“Probably, I had to meet someone to get over the last one, because, like, I just couldn't let it go.”

Do you have any idea how many people do this/feel this way and how few admit it? Thank you, Nick, for acknowledging that a new relationship is an effective way to get over your last one. You can dispute the healthiness of that but it's true.



My disdain for Bradley's excessive singing is well-documented and it hasn't gone anywhere this week.

You can sing when you're meant to but he just breaks it out everywhere, always with that look on his face that is devoid of self-awareness or humor. Some may think I'm being harsh, but I promise: If there was the slightest shade of irony in him, or a twinkle in his eye while he did this, I'd probably be a lot more receptive. But it's a painfully blatant and literal belt for attention that I just can't deal with.

STOP. IT. You don't need to vocalize in the damn limo. URRRGH.

STOP. IT. You don't need to vocalize in the damn limo. URRRGH.

Why is it that everything Patrick does makes me laugh? LOOK AT HIM:

Patrick: "It's kind of nice being the first one to get the hug of the day":

Gurrrl, get that hug.

Gurrrl, get that hug.

It was pretty cute watching Marquel recognize Boyz II Men:

Another thing about this:

I'm the last person to wax poetic about the "craft" of opera singing but he's turning what he does into a cheap party trick that people laugh and point at.

Josh's impression of Bradley to the rescue:

Josh just skyrocketed in my books. SKYROCKETED. 

Josh just skyrocketed in my books. SKYROCKETED. 

Someone in Editing can't spell:

It's pretty glaring.

It's pretty glaring.

I thought maybe it was a one-time thing but then:

Bad editors. Bad!

Bad editors. Bad!

There were some funny interview moments: 

Marquel: "Ima serenade the shit outta her."

Marcus: "It's an adrelene rush." (No, I didn't mean to write "adrenaline.") I love Marcus, but he did say that. If you don't believe me go back and have a listen.

Eric wasn't able to add singing to the near-nonexistent list of things he can't do. Obviously he could use a little work but I thought he was pretty great:

My favorite moment was when Brian was moaning away pitchlessly... 

... and Marquel was tensely staring at him like a hawk trying to gauge his own entrance:

It was an amazing recovery and I laughed so hard. Props to Marquel. Impressive.

For some reason I love to make fun of Josh the Jock. But his singing face!

Believe me, few people have attractive singing faces. I certainly don't have a good one. But his was so spectacularly bad I just couldn't resist making his future CD cover:

Who could say no to that face?

Who could say no to that face?

At the cocktail party, the major thing that stood out to me was that Josh is definitely going to be final four. (His singing face was not a deterrent, apparently) I'm not only considering the group date rose; just look at the way she looks at him:

She doesn't look at anyone the way she looks at Josh. Close seconds are Marcus and Nick.

She doesn't look at anyone the way she looks at Josh. Close seconds are Marcus and Nick.



All I could think while watching this date was:

  1. The storyboard folks were evidently running out of date ideas
  2. Old Andi was definitely a smoker in her day
  3. I like JJ. He's cute and a REALLY good sport, especially considering the date
  4. He seems more into her than she him

“I find her extremely attractive, but what I find most attractive about her isn't her looks.”

Cue an “aww”. But honestly, I did think it was cute that he kept trying to kiss her even with her old face on.

"I've been fearful in the past of being my full quirky self."  

Wow, can I ever relate to that. It's hard not to like JJ. Unfortunately I just don't see it with these two. I feel like she's phoning it in a bit with him. 



My Nick Lovefest continues. Believe it or not, I thought the flowers were a good move. That took him having a good idea and being proactive and talking to people. And he probably paid for them himself. (I know that's a stupid thing to point out but in Bachelor Land it's worth noting.)

And then to say: “I just want, like, somehow to make this whole unnatural experience natural.”

It gives statements like this more weight:

“I 100% have genuine, real feelings for Andi. Given that I had incredible doubts about this it is exciting.”


I found the JJ-Josh-Andrew confrontation a bit forced and painful. I like JJ and Josh is growing on me, but you've got to REALLY not like someone to confront them like that on camera. Probably the best thing to come out of the whole debacle was the shot of Patrick dabbing his forehead from the stress:

This one's called Patrickbeinghilarious.jpg

This one's called Patrickbeinghilarious.jpg

Believe it or not, I actually felt for smarmy Andrew since he's almost guaranteed to have not had the time or attention JJ and Josh have had. If he feels the need to brag about getting a girl's number then I feel even MORE bad for him. The whole thing just reeks of insecurity on his part.

I would bet money that Andrew was kept for drama alone. Seriously, what connection have we even seen between him and Andi? And his name being called last for suspense...? It's too uncanny.



My favorite look of the week was Chris' sort of business-y getup. It's nothing ground-breaking but a man who pulls off a pale pink shirt with a purple floral tie deserves props. And the fit is great.



How is the only excerpt of Marquel's Group Date time him asking her what her favorite color is and her saying “black”? Like, really? Couldn't we get to know something more about him?

Brett's pan-faced singing during closing credits was hilarious. It reminded me of his hotel lamp schtick from Episode 1 and I feel a bit sad we didn't see more of him. I suppose he wasn't enough of a front-runner or drama-stirrer.

For a fleeting moment during their hike, Nick looks directly into the camera and THEY SHOWED IT. I am both thrilled and jealous about this. Do you have ANY idea how many times I gave the camera a dry stare while something absurd was happening around me? That said, he broke that 4th wall – or rather, they LET him break that 4th wall - and that made me happy.

No reason. I just wanted to include this photo somewhere. :)



I'm a little mixed on Andi's fashion choices this week. I dug this jumpsuit and wish we'd seen more of it:

I loved the combination of a sleek, minimalistic black jumpsuit with big dangly earrings that deliver a pop of color. However, I feel the earrings look the tiniest bit cheap. 

I liked this dress but didn't love it:


The color is fantastic and it obviously looks great on her but it's ever-so-slightly too "sorority girl at the club" for me. 

For me, the win of the week was this neutral-colored off-the-shoulder bodycon:

It's quietly sexy and way more sophisticated. It was by far the piece I coveted the most.

Her Rose Ceremony dress was, again, only okay:

It's not that there's anything really wrong with it, it's just a little stuffy and old-fashioned in my opinion. Even the color is off and that oddly-placed sash is too prom-y.

I loved her tassel earrings, though:

As Nina Garcia would say, these earrings "look expensive". (More expensive than $198, anyway)



"Y'all" still reigns supreme.

(There was a distinct decrease in "Stop")


Until next week, fellow pandas!